Never Let it Be Said…

That I shy away from opportunities to talk about myself.

Some things the readers don’t know about me, and are even less likely to care about:

1. Contrary to that guy who keeps emailing me, my penis is of adequate length and girth, thank you.

2. I’m amazed by the fact that Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of both prostitutes and virgins. That’s what I call covering the spread.

3. I think super speed would be the coolest super power ever. Unless you lived in Winnipeg in the spring – after a while you’d start gaining weight from swallowing mosquitoes.

4. The next person who uses the word ‘ask’ as a noun wil get kicked in the balls. I can see it now:” We figure we’ll have the budget figured out, as soon as we decide what our ask will be.”
“Sorry, Don, but ‘nouning’ verbs in my presence means Nikes meet nuts. Consider this a memo. Or an ‘F.Y.I.’ if you will.”

5. George Carlin is, in my estimation, the funniest man who has ever walked the Earth. That’s true only because Jesus sucked at observational humor, it was just “Hey, ever wonder why you have a bald spot?” or “I can see my house from here.”

Merry Krimble, childrens.


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