2008 US election, deuchebaggery for the common good

A plea for dirt…

I noticed that the guys here held off on posting to allow me the 1,000 post, and I fear they might have meant it. I’d like to thank those that have taken the time to read our scribblings and those that take the additional time to comment. Knowing that a few people out there agree with us and / or take umbrage with us makes it all worthwhile. Without further ado, I present, auspiciously, perhaps, “A plea for dirt…”



For the first time in recent American electoral history, the Democrats look like they just might be willing to get down and dirty and fight the Republican win-at-all-costs fight that is sadly necessary to win elections. This, despite Campbell Brown’s plea for sanity and decorum. It would be nice if decorum could reign during an election, but when one of the two candidates has openly decided to lower the bar because a discussion of important issues doesn’t benefit them, the other must follow to some degree or they will lose. They will lose and join the ranks of Al Gore and John Kerry. If the Democrats don’t want to watch from the sidelines for another four, then this is how they fight, and it’s funny that a newcomer like Barack Obama has to show them: when McCain comes at you with William Ayers, you come back with the Keating Five. And you don’t just mention it, when you have the facts on your side, you explain it. When they start raising questions of your choice in ministers, hit back with spouses in separatist groups, witch-doctors, and young Earth stupidity. (And don’t water it down, call stupid stupid. We’ve had enough presidents I could have a beer with, we need someone smart for a change. We don’t really  want an average Joe, we want someone (to paraphrase Jon Stewart) whose face we could conceivably carve into the side of a mountain.) And most of all, attack using that which they hit you – elitism. Every time they say “east coast elites”, come back with “how many houses do you own, John?”. When they say Main Street, ask them their take-home salaries. You are all in the elite, don’t let them isolate you with it.


As the smears continue, both from the McCain campaign and from reactionary conservatives, John Kerry demonstrated in 2004 by losing an election that was his to lose, it’s stupid to try to stay above this stuff. You have to defend against the smears and more importantly, you have to attack, attack, attack. The only way to fight Rove is with Rove, and if He has taught us anything, it’s that no matter how unlikely the shit you throw, some of it sticks. If McCain worships anything more than power itself, he’s praying to that Thing right now, that some of this shit sticks.


Ultimately, the reason that McCain has dropped the gloves is that he, his campaign, and the public all know that Barack Obama seems better able to handle the economic crisis that is currently upon all of us, and that he has no chance of winning but through slime. It’s for exactly this reason that Obama must be ready to hit back, and hit back hard – the opposition has basically admitted they are incapable of handling the reality of government. Don’t do it for the sheer joy of doing it, Barack, do it for us! (Though I would think that smashing McCain about the head and neck with his voting record and Bush’s popularity must be fun as hell.)


It’s time that the Democrats took things seriously and stopped getting run roughshod by the Republicans – because you know goddamn well that if the Republicans were to win there would be no talk of “working across the aisle”, there would be only talk of “mandate”.  While the Democrats squeak of bipartisanship, the Republicans shout “Fuck you!” and return to enriching the cronies and lobbyists that put and kept them in power. The Democrats have a chance to win an historic victory this November – Senate, Congress, and the big house; it is no time for mealy-mouthing. The Republicans have run the US into the ground; internationally they just short of pariah status, they are hemorraging cash and impoverishing the economies of their allies, and we’re on the brink of an environmental catastrophe – this ship needs to be turned, and turned NOW. If it takes mud-slinging and defamation to win, then start slinging. It is better to win and serve two for roughing than to lose and sit in the stands for four.  I don’t like being put in the position of quoting Machiavelli, but the ends sometime justify the means, and if this is ever true, it is true right now.


Obama and Biden have the ideas, they have the promise, and now they seek control. McCain and Palin offer neither, they are simple ambition and lust for power, they are empty suits seeking soft chairs, capable of neither vision nor sensible action. They need to be kept as far from the halls of power as is humanly possible.


With what I think is a rather strong hockey metaphor (if I do say so myself), I conclude our 1,000 post. You may return to your regularly-scheduled blogging activities already in progress. Oh, and thanks for reading.

-kvd out

<Update: Just saw that the campaign is stoking the Obama = terrorist thing. Classy guy, this one. Douche-fucking-bag.>


5 thoughts on “A plea for dirt…

  1. Well said. I particularly liked the phrase “empty suits seeking soft chairs”.
    I think, as you point out, that this is a particularly timely piece of advice – decency is an admirable trait, unless your audience thrives on underhanded manipulation. The only route to a decisive victory is to increase and exploit the existing level of unease about Father Time and Sister Christian rather than sitting back and letting them help rationalize the underlying racism that a lot of Americans (and Canadians, sadly) hold deep in their lizard brains. That isn’t what it’s all about, of course – it probably has more to do with the traditional liberal/conservative ideological split – but I think there may be an unspoken undercurrent that sits dormant in some undecided voters’ psyches.
    It’s time to take a page from the other team’s playbook and go full-bore “drug olympics” on them. If the competition plays dirty, you have to adapt and play dirty too, just to survive.
    Maybe after 4 years of President Obama, the public dialogue will have crawled out of the mud and evolved.


  2. Sorry. I shall have myself beaten immediately.

    It could be worse. Candy Palmater (lawyer/comedienne extraordinaire) likes to sing the first line of “Copacabana” as I walk past her office. Then I have to bash my head on my desk until it goes away.


  3. ‘Motoring, what’s your price for flight?’ – damn you, Flash. Although it does provide a nice segue to this webcomic. Getting back to the main point, I’ll agree that dirt needs to be slung – I do caution that it should be done intelligently, IMHO. Right now, Obama’s ahead in the polls, and McCain’s turning this into personal attacks makes him look desperate. To reiterate, dirt should be slung, yes, but it shouldn’t be Obama doing the slinging, it should be in the form of a whisper campaign – if you’re going to use Rovian tactics, then let’s use his full playbook.


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