Canadian politics, Conservatives

My top 8 picks for Harper’s senate

Let’s play predict the new Sentorial appointments! I’ll start with eight stalwart Conservative banner carriers, and explain why I think they’d be good picks:

1. Mike Duffy: He’s been a conservative cheerleader in the so-called liberal media longer than I’ve had an aversion to bald suck-ups. Plus, he’s from PEI and there’s a PEI vacancy.

2. Preston Manning: While I admire and thank Preston for leading the charge in decimating Mulroney’s party and bringing the Cons down to 2 seats under Kim Campbell, he’s lost my respect by subsequently endorsing the merger of the semi-rational PCs and the loony-toons gay-hating Ragnarok-worshippers that made up the so-called Canadian Alliance. Boo to you, sir. Have a plum.

3. John Hamm: Former Nova Scotia premiere who learned (by watching the Liberals at the time) that you can’t run a minority government like a majority. Maybe he should help Harper out on that one. Personal tidbit: I know someone (no names) who was a patient of Dr. Hamm whilst pregnant. She had left her good-for-nothing drunk of a first husband at the time. Dr. Hamm treated her very tersely, and made her feel like shit for leaving the bastard. Presumably this is because she would have to raise the child in a non-traditional family situation, rather than the traditional Conservative way…with an abusive drunken father around to beat the wife and child when they got uppity. I hearby admit my bias…hearing this story in University turned me into a Hamm-hater.

4. Ernie Fage: This would make me very happy. Giddy even. He would be such a huge disaster in the Senate, he could possibly bring the whole upper chamber crumbling around him in ruins. Please, please, please make this happen. Pretty please.

5. Mike Harris: So you want to send a message to the First Nations people of this country, and ripping up the Kelowna Accord wasn’t enough? Maybe destroying their transfers in the name of the economic crisis won’t do it either. Appoint Mike Harris! His callous disregard for the lives of First Nations peoples was made clear after the murder of Dudley George at the hands of the OPP. Go ahead Stevie, slap them around some more! Appoint Harris!

6. David Frum: Three words – Axis of Evil. As a man who knows how to take credit where none is due and a supersycophant neocon of the first order, I think Frum would fit perfectly in the Upper House.

7. Terence Corcoran: This guy never met a public project he didn’t hate. Make him a senator so he can have wet dreams of privitizing all of our water systems, transit systems, power grids (oops! too late), health care, and air purification stations (don’t worry, this doesn’t exist yet…but after we need it, and well after taxpayers have paid a large bill to create the infrastructure for it, good old Terence will call for it to be sold for a song to private investors).

8. Brian “Creepy” Crowley: Founder and head dergulation cheerleader at AIMS. Anytime you want to know what the wrong side of an issue is in Atlantic Canada, go on over to Creepy’s pet Think Tank and find the answer. If they’re cheering on one side of an issue, you can be sure that side only benefits the top 0.005% of the Atlantic population, while harming the bottom 99.995% (meaningless peasants, really, that lot). Since Harper strives to represent only the investor class, why not pick a man who only advocates for that class to sit in Senate?

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7 thoughts on “My top 8 picks for Harper’s senate

  1. Well, supposedly the MacDonald government is looking for an appointment for Ernie Fage: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/nova-scotia/story/2008/12/17/ns-fage.html

    Other than that good choices. Bri – I’ll add in my two cents worth for the Newfoundland appointment:

    1. Loyola Hearn: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loyola_Hearn

    Hearn’s tenure as a good soldier should probably be rewarded – if for no other reason than his being able to keep a straight face when, as Fisheries and Oceans Minister, he tried to claim that allowing mining companies to dump their slag in Canada’s lakes was *good* for the fisheries.

    2. Brian Peckford: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Peckford

    Anyone that can spend $25 million of the Government’s money on a greenhouse to grow cucumbers is all about the stimulas….

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  2. Dan, any idea how many NL slots are open?

    On the topic of newfoundland, how about offering one to Danny Williams, just to get him closer to Ottawa – all the easier to reach around with the knife. (I know, Williams would just tell him to fuck off, but it’s fun to think about. Dan, what’s it like to have a premier with balls? Rodney makes me cry.)

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  3. The breakdown is:

    4 vacancies for Quebec:
    3 vacancies for Nova Scotia;
    3 vacancies for BC; (hello Senator Emerson)
    2 from New Brunswick; (Bernard Lord?)
    2 from Ontario;
    1 from Newfoundland and Labrador;
    1 from PEI;
    1 from Yukon;
    1 from Saskatchewan;

    I doubt Harper would offer a Senate appointment to Danny Williams, and when you consider that Danny had sold his Cable company to Rogers for $282 million, and prior to running for office, Danny was the Senior Partner in one of the biggest law firms in the province – I doubt Danny Williams really needs a Senate appointment to pay the bills.

    As to what it’s like to have a premier with balls? All I can say is it gives me a tender, warm feeling….

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  4. Congrats Kev! You got 1 out of 8! Mike Duffy was named as one of the unwashed to be ascended to the red room. Well done! His Cheerleading and perhaps other unmentionable acts behind closed doors has won him his jackpot.

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  5. I’ll thank you not to use the words “Mike Duffy” and ‘unspeakable acts” in the same paragraph, Paul – it’s a mental image I really didn’t need. Considering all the hard work Duffy did to get Harper elected, it’s the least he could do.

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  6. I am sorry Brian, in my last post I implied that Kev posted the predictions. From the comments page there is no way to tell who wrote the post. Thus I say retroactively congrats Bri on getting all but one held back from ascending into the big red pig pen. And Dan, sorry for the mental image but I do think you have stomached worse images in the political realm. Hee hee.

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