Well, now that the extent of the financial mess is starting to become clear, it’s time to give some sage advice to those dividend brokers, hedge fund analysts, and other assorted snake oil salesmen who created wealth out of absolutely nothing. Or worse, out of escalating debt and misery. Faking your own death may seem sexy and smart, but won’t erase the stain that is your existance. Spending your fleeting bail time at the post office, sending jewellery to family members may seem like a good insurance policy, but really only makes accessories after the fact of your nearest and dearest (if you even care). Stop all that silliness. The right thing for you to do to escape responsibility for your crimes, mistakes, and lies is this:
Step 1: Take an express elevator to the top of a large building. Preferably over 15 floors. Pick a landmark, if your ego demands (and it probably does).
Step 2: Find the door to the roof. On some buildings, roof access may be restricted, so you may need to use some of that charm and social grace that allowed you to steal so much money to talk your way past security. No locked or guarded door should be able to stop you, though! You have purpose! Plus, you may actually own the building in question (for now).
Step 3: Jump onto the pavement far below. We don’t want to read about you in the news anymore, unless it’s in the obits, mkay?