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Find a tall building already

Well, now that the extent of the financial mess is starting to become clear, it’s time to give some sage advice to those dividend brokers, hedge fund analysts, and other assorted snake oil salesmen who created wealth out of absolutely nothing. Or worse, out of escalating debt and misery. Faking your own death may seem sexy and smart, but won’t erase the stain that is your existance. Spending your fleeting bail time at the post office, sending jewellery to family members may seem like a good insurance policy, but really only makes accessories after the fact of your nearest and dearest (if you even care). Stop all that silliness. The right thing for you to do to escape responsibility for your crimes, mistakes, and lies is this:

Step 1: Take an express elevator to the top of a large building. Preferably over 15 floors. Pick a landmark, if your ego demands (and it probably does).

Step 2: Find the door to the roof. On some buildings, roof access may be restricted, so you may need to use some of that charm and social grace that allowed you to steal so much money to talk your way past security. No locked or guarded door should be able to stop you, though! You have purpose! Plus, you may actually own the building in question (for now).

Step 3: Jump onto the pavement far below. We don’t want to read about you in the news anymore, unless it’s in the obits, mkay?

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8 thoughts on “Find a tall building already

  1. Exactly, Kev – whereas if they just sit in the garage and run their Limo’s engine, there’s no danger – I’d like to know what Briguy has against the proleteriat that he’s willing to assault them with falling financiers….

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  2. I would hate to see a falling scumbucket take out an innocent victim. They should probably stick to buildings in the various financial districts, just to increase the odds that anyone they land on probably deserves it. Maybe we’ll all get lucky and some plummetter will take out a high-level government stooge while he’s delivering the latest $700 billion extortion portfolio.

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  3. So do you think if enough of us wrote in to Mythbusters, they’d do a segment with Kari pushing stock brokers off of various height roofs to show which was the best?

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