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Earth rejects Canada

UN Security Council seat goes to Portugal

John McNee, Canada’s UN ambassador, made the surprise announcement that Canada would pull out shortly after.

Heinbecker said that despite the loss, the country should continue to strive for a spot on the council.

“The fact is the UN is too important to ignore,” Heinbecker said.

“The UN is in some sense the central operating system … the UN charter is the basis of international law, so from the Canadian government perspective, I don’t think it’s possible just to walk away from the UN and say it doesn’t matter.

Well, that’s that. Our new foreign policy directions (less aid for Africa, uncritical support for Israel, trashing the Kyoto Protocol, etc, etc) have officially lost Canada a seat at the UN Security Council. Knowing the love that our current ruling party has for the UN and by extension the Earth, I hereby propose to the ruling Conservatives that we abandon this planet of whiners. Canada needs to be completely isolated, literally as well as politically. And not just isolated from facts! Isolated from that bunch of ungrateful gits who would vote for Portugal and Germany over Stephen Harper. Did they think Harper would take this repudiation sitting down? No! Didn’t you UN folk read about Harper’s visceral hatred of all things that vex him? What choice do we have, Earth, when you spurn us so?

I’ll tell you what choice Canada has: We should be the first country to colonize another planet. Good news on that front, as astronomers have located an earth-like planet only 20 light-years away! I propose that we send all Conservatives there immediately to pave the way for the rush of Canuckleheads. In 100 years or so, the rest of us will follow you. Honest. Get on the damn ship already, Harperbots! The Earth doesn’t want you here, so I say screw the Earth. Get going. That’ll show ’em!

PS – If the rest of us don’t follow you on schedule, you can always blame Iggy.

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